After a busy week there’s nothing I like better than to spend Sunday afternoon munching popcorn and catching a movie with the fam.  We love watching all types of movies and aren’t embarrassed to attend “cartoon” movies even though none of us are in pre-school!

One of our favorites is “The Incredibles” which is a movie about a family of undercover superheroes who are trying to blend in to their quiet suburban life.  Ultimately, they become bored with their less than super life and just can’t resist getting involved when a new super villain, Syndrome, tries to take over the world.  But wait… what’s a good movie without a wardrobe malfunction?  Mr. Incredible’s superhero suit has a hole in it and so he makes a visit to super designer Edna Mode for a quick fix. (Side note: Edna is clearly my favorite character in the movie because she’s so obviously based on legendary film costume designer Edith Head – complete with black round-rim glasses and china doll bangs).

Edna tosses the old super suit aside with disdain and explains that Mr. Incredible needs a new and improved suit.  She shares her vision for the suit, but Mr. Incredible insists that in order for his new suit to be perfect, it needs a cape.  Edna sharply exclaims, “No cape!” and goes on to list the number of superheroes who had capes only to find that the cape ultimately got in the way of doing their job.

So often when we’re trying to achieve a goal we have our own vision of what “perfect” is and find it hard to take advice from experts – even those experts who we know are the best in their field.  We try to rationalize why we shouldn’t do it “their way” and adopt the recommendations half-heartedly or ignore the advice completely and push forward “our way”.  If I’ve learned anything in life, it’s that there’s no way I can be an expert in everything.  I’ve learned to work within my “gifts” and to look to others working within their “gifts” for helpful advice and coaching.  As EBQs we often find ourselves trying to do everything perfectly and it’s that phrase, “everything perfectly”, that is actually getting in our way.  In order to fully develop your own personal gifts you’ve got to be willing to let go and let others share their gifts with you.

And just in case you’re wondering, Edna does design new super suits, without capes, for all The Incredibles.  The movie ends (spoiler warning!) as super villain Syndrome gets sucked into a jet engine by his cape.  So next time you’re overly focused on being perfect and you’re insisting on doing everything yourself, remember that that way of thinking is just like a super cape – it may sound like a good idea at the time, but it’s going to get in the way your success!

When I was a very young girl I grew up in a small college town where everyone knew everyone.  We always hung out with the same pack of friends and everyone ended up at our house to plan our next adventure.

One summer day my friends and I were sitting on the front lawn loudly proclaiming that there was nothing to do.  We’d already played a vigorous game of tag and none of us were interested in going for yet another bike ride around the block.  So my Mom scraped together the loose change she had saved in her “mad money” jar and with a twinkle in her eye she suggested that we all walk down to the local diner for a donut.   Well, that was a pretty big, exciting trip for us!  We immediately set out on our mission to buy a gooey, yummy donut.

As we were walking along, each one envisioning which type of donut we’d pick out from the glass case, my sister wondered aloud how long my Mom had been saving nickels and pennies in her money jar.  I scrunched up my forehead and tried to think real hard, but I couldn’t remember a time when she hadn’t been saving coins in that glass jar.  And neither of us could remember a time that she had taken money out to spend.  We all had a good long “grown-up” talk (since we were old enough to walk to the diner we just knew we were grown-up) and decided that it really wasn’t right for us to use the money that my Mom had so carefully saved.

When we arrived at the diner we confidently strode up to the diner, each took a seat, and promptly ordered a round of ice waters.  The waitress didn’t act a bit surprised and served us just like we were the most important customers in the room.  We drank our ice waters, left a dime for a tip, and started back home knowing that my Mom would be so pleased that we hadn’t spent any of her money.

We arrived back home and proudly returned all of my Mom’s loose change, minus that big ten cent tip.  We were puzzled by her expression and she gently explained that when someone gives you a gift, even if that gift requires a sacrifice, that you show your love for them by accepting.  Often times as EBQs we’re so busy taking care of others and doing everything ourselves that we don’t allow them the opportunity to give to us.  Learning to accept is the flip side of giving; one really can’t exist without the other.  So take some time to slow down and let someone have the opportunity to give back to you.  Smile, cherish the moment and learn to accept just as graciously as you give!

Now let’s get something straight right up front:  I am not the scientific expert in the family.  I’m pretty sure that honor goes to my younger brother who is obviously a genius (when he was 11 years-old, I clearly remember him explaining to me in detail how the eyeball converts light to “vision”).  So what can I possibly know about physics and how can the laws of physics relate in any way to The Pageant Wave?

No doubt you’ve seen a demonstration of The Pageant Wave during a local parade or during one of those annoyingly stereotypical, yet adorable, pageant movies like Miss Congeniality.  The arm is bent in a 90 degree angle at the elbow and you gently rotate you hand back and forth at the wrist.  It’s a very small, very subtle movement that’s become the hallmark of beauty queens everywhere. So what does executing the perfect Pageant Wave have to do with achieving EBQ success?

Well, if you’ve ever ridden in a convertible during a parade, you know that parades typically go on for hours and hours!  You’re out there in the blazing hot sun, or pouring rain (it’s never perfect weather), smiling and looking pleasant even though you’re wondering how many more times you can listen to the high school band’s rendition of Eye of the Tiger without losing your mind.  You start out with lots of energy, but quickly realize that this is going to go on for miles and miles at a snails pace.  Strategically you adjust the energy with which you’re acknowledging the cheering crowd and dial back your enthusiastic wave.  What starts out as a broad wave that takes massive amounts of energy transforms into The Pageant Wave which uses one of physics most commonly understood laws: a wise EBQ strategically uses the least amount of energy necessary to produce the desired outcome.  For those of you who haven’t learned to speak “EBQ physics” just yet, that means “work smarter, not harder”!

We’ve all heard the phrase “work smarter, not harder”, but are you really putting it in to practice everyday?  (Sigh) We’re usually so busy running around trying to get everything done that we just don’t take 15 minutes to review what’s on the list to make sure we’re working efficiently.  So make a point this week of viewing your “to do” list with the skeptical eye of an energy-conservationist and really ask yourself “What’s the most effective way to achieve what I want while expending the least amount of energy?”  Being energy efficient will actually make achieving your goals more fun plus you’ll have energy left over for your next fabulous EBQ project! 

So next time you’re looking at that “to do” list and feeling a tiny bit overwhelmed, just smile, close your eyes, imagine yourself at that parade, and go ahead and show the cheering crowd YOUR best Pageant Wave – in no time you’ll be on your way to EBQ success!

As a few of you may know, I’m taking this year to lose the gazillion (is that a real number?) pounds I’ve gained during the last several years.  You know how it goes – your schedule suddenly becomes overwhelmingly busy and your “meal planning” consists of deciding which drive through window has the least offensive fast food.  Well, I decided to get down to brass tacks (no, I’m not eating them!) and slowly lose those extra pounds this year.  I’m happy to say that I’ve experienced some success already and have dropped a size – which means NOTHING in my closet fits.  So this Sunday evening I had a few hours on my hands to pack up my “larger than I am clothes” for the charity truck.  Then, like the organized planner that I am, I got out my pencil and paper to make a list of the “must haves” in every EBQ wardrobe for my mega shopping trip this weekend!

Of course you’ve seen these “must have” lists in every single wardrobe planning book under the sun.    You know – basic trench coach (check), tailored black pants (check), 2 pair of good fitting jeans, one for flats and one for heels (check, check), classic white shirt… wait a minute.  What?  A WHITE SHIRT?  Nope… not gonna’ get that.  Scratch it off the list. 

Even though every fashion guru who’s ever worshipped in the tents at New York Fashion Week claims I need a white shirt, I’m not going to get one!  You see, I look hideous (pronounced HID-EEEE-OUS) in white.  I am naturally so pale that I look completely washed out – a little like someone making a permanent visit to the cemetery.  Through personal experience I’ve learned that I just don’t look good in white and no amount of bright lipstick and extra blush is going to change that.

Advice is helpful, but you’ve got to remember to really analyze and decide if it applies to you.  Don’t just swallow whole every bit of advice that people give you.  Learn to think for yourself.  Pick it apart in your own mind.  Ask yourself, “Based on my personal experience, what part of this advice makes sense and what part should I let go?”  There are blueprints for successful business ventures, diet programs, money management systems, career success; the list goes on and on.  It’s up to you to sift through the advice, keep what you like, tweak what would work with a little personal adjustment, and then just “pass” on the rest.  Yes, I do buy almost everything on those wardrobe “must have” checklists and its great advice; I just don’t do that white shirt thing.

So the next time someone’s giving you advice, don’t make an impulse decision based on their “expert” status.  Don’t assume that they always know you better than you know yourself.  Think it over, consider your situation – review your strengths and weaknesses – and really determine if it’s right for you or if it’s just another white shirt!

Okay, so I know you’ve heard this phrase over and over again, “She’s such an overachiever”.  You’ve probably said it about a friend or co-worker, or maybe you’ve even said it about yourself.  But what exactly IS an overachiever?

Naturally I would never do anything as predictably mundane as quote the Merriam-Webster dictionary by telling you that the definition of an overachiever is “one who achieves success over and above the standard or expected level especially at a young age”.  Okay, so this definition means someone who has pleasantly surprised us with their accomplishments – I get it.

But is that how we actually use the word “overachiever” in everyday conversion?  No it really isn’t.  We hear: “I don’t know why she studies so hard; she’s such an overachiever.”  “She gets up super early to get her workout in; she’s such an overachiever.”  “I want to make sure everything’s perfect – you know how I am – I’m such an overachiever”.  Somewhere along the way the word “overachiever” has come to have negative connotations.  Its word cousins in everyday conversation are “perfectionist” and “obsessive”.  Now is that really what you’re trying to say about yourself when you say you’re an overachiever?

Or do you really mean that you’re a True Potential Achiever?  Do you mean that you ENJOY stretching yourself and your capabilities?  Do you mean that you’re a life-long learner and love learning new skills and developing your current skills to their highest level?  Say the phrase “I’m a True Potential Achiever” to yourself right now and ask yourself, “How does that make me feel?”  I’m gonna’ bet that it feels a whole lot better than calling yourself an “overachiever”.   Just think of all the things you could accomplish if you gave yourself permission to see yourself as a True Potential Achiever and started using words and phrases that reflect your interest in expanding your possibilities as well as your realities.  (I can see the difference in you from here!)

EBQs know that to create the person they want to become, they’ve got to SEE it, HEAR it, and FEEL it.  EBQs know that personal development is a never ending game of challenging themselves to achieve the next level of mastery – and that there’s no possible way anyone can achieve their true potential if they are thinking negative thoughts about themselves.  It just can’t be done.  So stop referring to yourself as an “overachiever” – that phrase is just soooo last season.  Start using a label that more accurately tells your story: you’re a True Potential Achiever!

Several times last week a few of my fabulous friends referred to themselves as “control freaks” or “perfectionists”.  Okay, so let’s get this straight – there are EBQs and there are Control Freaks/Perfectionists and they’re just not the same.

A control freak is someone who has an obsessive need to control situations, circumstances, and people on a daily basis.  They always have to be in charge, or manipulate others, in order to make the outcome exactly what they think it should be.  If the outcome is even the slightest bit different than what they expected, they “freak out” (which of course explains the whole “freak” part of the label).  In all the time I was in corporate America (working with high maintenance execs) plus the time I’ve been coaching, I’ve probably only met 1 person who truly fits this definition.

A perfectionist is someone who expects everything they do to be absolutely perfect and they are easily irritated when others don’t meet their personal vision of perfection.  Perfectionists have difficulty delegating anything and if they do delegate they follow-up with precise directions on exactly how the task should be done.  They are always the Chair of the committee, never just a member, don’t delegate any tasks, do all the work themselves and complain about it every step of the way.

Now do either of those negative labels really sound like you?  Are you really that OBSESSIVE about being in control?  Do you really insist on doing everything yourself and CONFIRM YOUR SELF WORTH BY FINDING FAULT with others?  I’m guessing that’s not you.

EBQs are usually bright, motivated, friendly, and enjoy connecting with others while working towards a high standard of excellence.  Notice I said “enjoy working with others” and “high standard of excellence”.  They are comfortable as the leader or as a member of the team.  They delegate easily and follow-up in a positive way.  They have high standards of excellence, but don’t lose their minds when something falls a little short.  They just get right back in there and continue working towards the level of excellence that they know is possible.  EBQs know that complete control and perfection are not realistic expectations.  They know that setting a high standard of excellence is just part of challenging themselves.  EBQs embrace the concept of personal development but don’t expect to CONTROL every outcome or that every outcome will be PERFECT.

So if you don’t meet those definitions, stop referring to yourself as a “control freak” or a “perfectionist”.  Your everyday self-talk creates the mental image that you project to yourself and others.  Reject those negative labels that really don’t reflect who you are and just refer to yourself as someone with high standards of excellence who’s playing the personal development game.  Sounds pretty EBQ to me, don’t you agree?